I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
