At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
