She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
