I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
