I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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