5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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