If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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