Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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