i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
