Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
