Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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