Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You took a bar mat shot.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
