wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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