I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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