1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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