hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
