i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So squirting runs in the family.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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