i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
