How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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