broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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