you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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