In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
