This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My pussy is not your playground.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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