So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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