Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
