I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
