There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
