he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
