just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
