My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
