I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
