I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
