dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
