glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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