The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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