Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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