Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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