Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
