your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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