So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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