thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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