There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
