i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
