i think my tv is drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
