never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
