meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
