My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
