He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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