i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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