I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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