By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
